Dear diary + Help

Learn more

Trying to look at people as individuals rather than groups or clusters. Some have ideologies I need to avoid (socialist, communist, etc). I need to be careful of people who put pretending to be another person above being themselves. I like genuine people. People who are themselves. People who are not acting 24/7. They appear to be rare to me. It doesn’t mean I don’t like people who are not themselves. It just means I don’t trust them. Why would I after all of the poking and prodding?
After my divorce when I was looking for a job a friend of mine suggested I apply at the Container Store (contain her). Didn’t she realize I already worked there both at home and at work? All of my life.
“In the long run, the sharpest weapon of all is a kind and gentle spirit”

– Anne Frank
Also lost in this bednobs and broomstick strange galaxy
Bigger houses

Location: Galaxy S23
https://youtu.be/SjlNSaXq0Ik
I first heard this song (Bigger Houses) in a store the other day and thought it was beautiful. I often forget the message…especially when I see the rich get richer and the poor or middle class be forgotten. In the midst of the chaos and inequality I need to remember what is really important. When I got divorced we had recently purchased a new Lexus convertible and I had a Volvo X-C90. I knew all that would go away and I am not going to say it was easy letting go of easy street in the name of reclaiming my soul. But I did it. And I learned that it didn’t matter how I looked to others as much as how I looked to myself. The message came in loud and clear to me when my XC90 was

falling apart and my daughter was in big trouble in Arlington. My XC 90 was breaking…
Sometimes I wish I had never bit the apple. The knowledge of good and evil even on days I can’t tell the difference. If I hadn’t taken that bite, I would probably still be lost, focused on the superficial. Sad but not knowing why. That was the past. I would have missed out on the highs and lows..the connections. I wouldn’t have connected with RR whose voice calmed me down when I couldn’t sleep. Art and reality collided. I wish people could talk to me directly and not through others, but I know that won’t happen. It would have happened by now if it was to happen. In a way it makes me feel less equal, but I know in God’s eyes we are all equally valuable. I am not sure I will ever really fit in, but maybe that is not as important as I think it is.
Trying to be grateful for simple things like the first cup of coffee in the morning. Naming people and things I am grateful for every day is going to help. It keeps everything in perspective. I went from taking pictures, participating in life, to taking screenshots in order to ward off never ending attacks. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to take pictures again.
Much of my life has been “He’s a hero because he got me out of that situation with that abusive person.” The only problem is I never move on to a better situation. They tell me where I am not wanted but never tell me where I am.